He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
