the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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