i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize