my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The power of my boobs compel you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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