They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
