I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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