I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
