As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
