she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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