I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Acid is not a monday night drug
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
