Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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