Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Say something about gay babies.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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