Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
