i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
