It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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