She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize