I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
