If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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