I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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