Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
