When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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