hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
