Got a toothbrush?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
