he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
