alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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