you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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