dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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