The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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