Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
