NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
