I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize