Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
