ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
