We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize