I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
