i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
