last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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