dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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