do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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