I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
