did you get engaged???
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
