That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
