We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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