i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
