guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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