I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
false alarm. still invincible.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
