But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
