It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
