I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
