i permit you to call me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
