Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
