I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
