it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
