Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
