what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
