i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
