You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
