we're making bets on your personal life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
