They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
