can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
birth control should be required to get into college
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
