it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
