She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
