Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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