she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
