toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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