Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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