I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize