getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
