And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wrigley field is MILF paradise
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize