i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
