in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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